Category: Uncategorized

  • Untitled post 10492

    Raising children can be incredibly rewarding, but it can also come with challenges that leave you feeling uncertain and overwhelmed. 

    As a parent, you want to make sure your child grows up resilient and emotionally healthy, but figuring out how to support them through difficult times isn’t always easy. 

    This is where parenting therapy can help. 

    By exploring effective strategies tailored to your family’s unique needs, parenting therapy provides the guidance and tools to nurture your child’s emotional well-being and foster a strong, supportive relationship. 

    Let’s look at the benefits and strategies offered by parenting therapy, helping you raise resilient and emotionally healthy children.

    Why is it Important to Raise Resilient Children?

    Resilience is the ability to bounce back from challenges and adapt to life’s hurdles. This means developing a strong mindset that enables children to face setbacks confidently.

    Why is resilience so crucial? 

    Life will inevitably present difficulties—academic pressures, social conflicts, or personal losses. Resilient kids are better equipped to navigate these obstacles without feeling overwhelmed.

    Additionally, resilience fosters emotional strength. It helps children understand their emotions and encourages them to view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable barriers.

    By cultivating resilience early on, parents can lay the groundwork for their children’s future success in various life aspects— school, relationships, or career endeavors. 

    Strategies for Raising Resilient and Emotionally Healthy Children

    As a parent, you can foster resilience and promote emotional health in your children in many ways. 

    Here are some strategies to get you started: 

    1. Validate Your Child’s Emotions: This means acknowledging and accepting their feelings, even if we don’t agree with them. 

    When we validate our children’s emotions, we teach them that their feelings are important and worthy of recognition. 

    This helps them develop a healthy relationship with their emotions and promotes emotional intelligence. 

    1. Encourage Problem-Solving: Instead of always fixing our children’s problems for them, we can encourage them to come up with their solutions. 

    This teaches them to think critically and develop problem-solving skills essential for resilience. 

    1. Model Healthy Coping Strategies: Our children learn from watching us, so it is important to model healthy coping strategies. This can include taking breaks when feeling overwhelmed, discussing our feelings, and practicing self-care. 
    2. Teach Positive Self-Talk: We can teach our children to use positive self-talk by modeling it and encouraging them to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. 

    What Role Does DBT and CBT Play in Parenting Therapy? 

    DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) can be valuable tools in parenting therapy.

    Here are some ways DBT and CBT can be applied in parenting therapy: 

    1. Emotion Regulation: In parenting therapy, these skills can be applied to help parents manage their own emotions and model healthy emotional regulation for their children. 
    2. Communication Skills: DBT and CBT can teach parents to communicate effectively with their children, including using active listening skills, healthy expressing emotions, and setting boundaries. 
    3. Problem-Solving: DBT and CBT focus on problem-solving skills, which can be applied in parenting therapy to help parents and children work through conflicts and challenges.

    Effective Parenting Therapy at Behavioral Psych Studio

    At Behavioral Psych Studio, we know parenting isn’t always easy, and we’re here to help. 

    We use proven methods like CBT and DBT to give you the tools you need to help your kids grow up resilient and emotionally healthy.

    Schedule an appointment today.

  • DBT vs. CBT in Treating Anxiety and Depression

    DBT vs. CBT in Treating Anxiety and Depression

    Anxiety and depression can leave you feeling uncertain about the best path to recovery. DBT and CBT are two effective therapies, each with its approach to treatment. 

    But how do you decide which one is right for you? 

    Let’s explore the differences between DBT vs. CBT so you can better understand their unique strengths and make a more informed choice for your mental health. 

    Understanding these options can bring you closer to finding the support that meets your needs.

    What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. 

    It is based on the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected and can influence each other. 

    CBT aims to help individuals become aware of their thoughts, challenge and reframe negative thinking patterns, and learn healthier coping skills.

    What is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy?

    Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that was originally developed to treat individuals with borderline personality disorder. 

    It combines elements of CBT with mindfulness practices and dialectics, which are philosophical principles that emphasize finding the balance between opposing ideas. 

    DBT focuses on helping individuals regulate their emotions, improve their relationships, and develop skills to cope with distress.

    DBT vs. CBT: What are the Similarities?

    Here are some key similarities between DBT and CBT that highlight how both therapies work to support mental health:

    • DBT and CBT focus on connecting thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
    • They are evidence-based therapies with research supporting their effectiveness.
    • Each therapy is structured and goal-oriented, offering practical strategies to manage mental health challenges.
    • Both emphasize developing coping skills to handle negative thought patterns and behaviors.
    • Homework assignments are often used in both therapies to help clients practice new skills in real-life situations.
    • They aim to empower individuals to take control of their mental health through self-awareness and behavior modification.

    DBT vs. CBT: What are the Key Differences?

    DBT and CBT are evidence-based but differ in their approaches and focus areas. 

    CBT primarily helps individuals identify and change negative thought patterns that influence behavior and emotions, making it effective for anxiety and depression. 

    On the other hand, DBT, a form of CBT, adds strategies for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness, making it especially useful for individuals with intense emotional experiences or borderline personality disorder. 

    DBT vs. CBT: Which is Better for Treating Anxiety and Depression?

    Both DBT and CBT have been extensively researched and found to be effective in treating anxiety and depression. 

    The choice between DBT and CBT may depend on the individual’s needs and preferences.

    • For example, DBT may be more suitable for individuals with intense emotions or a history of invalidation.
    • At the same time, CBT may be a better fit for those who prefer a more structured and goal-oriented approach to therapy.

    Individuals can also benefit from combining both therapies, complementing each other in focusing on acceptance and change.

    DBT and CBT for Anxiety and Depression at Behavioral Psych Studio

    At Behavioral Psych Studio, we understand that choosing the right therapy is crucial in your journey to mental wellness. 

    Our compassionate and experienced team is well-equipped to use DBT and CBT, tailoring our approach to meet your needs. 

    Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, or complex emotional challenges, we’re here to support you. 

    Contact us today.

  • Family Therapy: How It Helps Heal Complex Family Dynamics and Trauma

    Family Therapy: How It Helps Heal Complex Family Dynamics and Trauma

    Family dynamics can be complicated, and when trauma is involved, the emotional strain can feel overwhelming. 

    You might struggle to communicate with loved ones, feel misunderstood, or even isolated within your family. The right support can make all the difference in these moments. 

    Family therapy helps by providing a space where everyone can be heard and understood and heal together. 

    This blog post will explore how family therapy can guide your family toward stronger, healthier relationships.

    What is Family Therapy?

    Family therapy, or family counseling, is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the dynamics and relationships within a family unit. 

    It involves multiple family members attending sessions with a trained therapist, who acts as a mediator and guide.

    Family counseling aims to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen relationships within the family. 

    It acknowledges that the larger family system often influences individual issues and behaviors; therefore, the whole family must be involved in the healing process. 

    What are the Common Issues Addressed in Family Counseling?

    Family therapy can be helpful for a wide range of issues and challenges that families may face. 

    Some of the most common issues addressed in family therapy include:

    1. Trauma: Traumatic experiences, such as physical or emotional abuse, can have a profound impact on individuals and their families.

    Family therapy can help families heal from the effects of trauma and rebuild trust and safety within the family unit.

    1. Conflict Resolution: All families experience conflicts, but when they become persistent and destructive, they can significantly damage relationships. 

    Family counseling can help families learn healthy ways to resolve conflicts and prevent them from escalating.

    1. Parent-Child Relationship Issues: Parenting can be a challenging and overwhelming experience, and it’s not uncommon for parents to struggle with their children’s behavior or development. 

    Guided family therapy sessions can help parents and children strengthen their relationships and learn effective parenting strategies.

    1. Blended Family Challenges: When families merge, there can be many adjustments and conflicts as everyone navigates their new roles and relationships. 

    Family therapy can help blended families work through these challenges and create a harmonious dynamic.

    What Approaches are Featured in Family Therapy?

    There are various approaches to working with families, each offering unique techniques and philosophies tailored to different needs.

    These include:

    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

    CBT helps families identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, replacing them with positive, effective alternatives. 

    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is particularly useful for improving communication, resolving conflicts, addressing parenting challenges, and managing mental health issues like anxiety or depression.

    Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

    Combining CBT with mindfulness, DBT helps regulate emotions and enhance relationships.

    Dialectical Behavior Therapy is ideal for families dealing with intense emotions or communication difficulties. Skills like distress tolerance and emotion regulation are key components.

    Narrative Therapy

    This approach empowers families to reshape their stories, focusing on their strengths and resilience. 

    It’s especially helpful for those dealing with trauma, as it allows families to reclaim their narratives and find new meaning in their experiences.

    Family Counseling at Behavioral Psych Studio

    At Behavioral Psych Studio, we support families through tough situations in a caring and safe environment. 

    Using proven therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we help improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen relationships. 

    If you’re dealing with trauma or other challenges, we’re here to help you build a healthier, happier family life. 

    Contact us today to start improving your family dynamics.

  • The Benefits of Couples Counseling: Strengthening Relationships Through Therapy

    The Benefits of Couples Counseling: Strengthening Relationships Through Therapy

    Feeling stuck in your relationship can be overwhelming, with communication breaking down and tensions rising. Couples counseling offers a lifeline to those who want to repair and strengthen their connection. 

    By exploring the benefits of couples counseling, you can find ways to rebuild trust, improve communication, and deepen your bond. 

    Let’s discuss how therapy provides a compassionate space to address the challenges that may pull you apart, helping you and your partner grow closer and more resilient.

    What is Couples Counseling?

    Couples counseling, also known as relationship therapy or marriage counseling, is a form of psychotherapy designed to help you and your partner resolve conflicts and improve your relationship. 

    It involves working with a licensed therapist who has specialized training in working with couples.

    Couples counseling aims to help you and your spouse identify and address the underlying issues that are causing problems in your relationship. 

    This can include communication difficulties, conflicts, trust issues, and other challenges hindering your ability to connect and maintain a healthy relationship.

    What are Some Common Issues Addressed in Couples Counseling?

    Couples counseling can address various issues that couples may face. 

    Some of the most common relationship issues addressed in therapy include:

    1. Communication Problems: Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When communication breaks down, it can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and feelings of resentment. 
    2. Trust Issues: Trust is crucial to a strong relationship. When trust is broken due to infidelity or other forms of betrayal, it can be challenging to repair. 
    3. Conflict Resolution: All couples experience conflicts from time to time. However, when conflicts become frequent and unresolved, they can damage the relationship. 
    4. Intimacy and Sexual Issues: Intimacy and sexual problems can also arise in a relationship, causing tension and distance between partners.
    5. Life Transitions: Changes such as starting a family, moving to a new city, or changing careers can strain relationships. 
    6. Emotional Dysregulation: Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulties managing and expressing emotions healthily and appropriately. 

    What are the Benefits of Therapy for Couples?

    Booking sessions with a couples therapist can be a game-changer for your relationship. 

    Here are some of the benefits you can expect from couples counseling:

    1. Improved Communication: Couples counseling can help you and your spouse learn how to communicate more effectively, listen to each other’s needs, and express your needs without causing harm.

    This can lead to a deeper understanding and connection between the both of you.

    1. A Safe Space to Address Issues: Couples counseling provides a safe and neutral environment to address issues without judgment. 

    This can be especially helpful if you or your partner have difficulty discussing sensitive topics or have a history of unresolved conflicts.

    1. Increased Understanding and Empathy: Couples counseling can also help you better understand each other’s perspectives, needs, and feelings. 
    2. Tools and Strategies for a Healthy Relationship: A couples therapist can provide you and your partner with practical tools and strategies to improve your relationship. 

    These may include communication techniques, conflict resolution skills, and ways to strengthen intimacy and connection. 

    1. Prevention of Future Issues: Couples counseling not only addresses current issues but also helps prevent future problems from arising. 

    Behavioral Psych Studio Offers Relationship Therapy to Help Couples Reconnect

    At Behavioral Psych Studio, we understand the complexities of relationships and offer a non-judgmental space where couples can address their concerns openly. 

    Our experienced therapists are dedicated to helping you and your partner work through challenges, improve communication, and strengthen your bond. 

    Schedule an appointment with us today. 

  • The Cycle of Anxiety: Breaking Free with CBT

    The Cycle of Anxiety: Breaking Free with CBT

    Have you ever felt like you’re caught in an endless loop of worry, where every anxious thought feeds into the next, creating a never-ending cycle of fear and unease? If so, you are not alone. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting 40 million adults every year, according to the CDC. Yet, despite its prevalence, many people feel trapped by their anxiety, unsure of how to break free from its grip.

    The Cycle of Anxiety

    Anxiety often begins with a single thought or concern. Maybe it’s a worry about an upcoming presentation, a health scare, or even a social event. This thought triggers a cascade of physical symptoms: a racing heart, sweaty palms, or a tightening in the chest. In response to these uncomfortable feelings, we might try to avoid the situation or engage in other safety behaviors—things people do to lower their anxiety when there is a perceived threat. Examples of safety behaviors include checking and rechecking your presentation multiple times to make sure there are no mistakes, excessively seeking reassurance from others that you are in perfect health, or bringing a good luck charm with you wherever you go. While these actions might provide short-term relief from anxiety, initially easing our discomfort and making the situation seem more manageable, they reinforce the anxiety in the long run, keeping us stuck in a cycle that’s hard to escape. 

    Thankfully, there’s hope. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers effective strategies for breaking the cycle of anxiety. By focusing on the interplay between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, CBT helps individuals develop healthier ways to cope. Here are three key CBT techniques to manage anxiety:

    1. Behavioral Experiments

    Behavioral experiments involve testing out new behaviors to see if your anxious predictions come true. Here’s how they work:

    • Identify Predictions: Start by identifying what you predict will happen in an anxiety-provoking situation. For instance, if you’re anxious about speaking in public, you might predict that you’ll forget your words and be embarrassed.
    • Test Your Predictions: Gradually expose yourself to the situation while collecting evidence about what actually happens. Start with smaller exposures, such as speaking up in a meeting, and gradually work up to larger ones like giving a presentation.
    • Evaluate Outcomes: After the exposure, evaluate what happened versus what you predicted. Did your worst fears materialize? What actually happened? Use these reflections to adjust your future behaviors and expectations. This helps in reducing the power of anxiety-driven thoughts by confronting them with reality.
    1. Exposures

    Exposure therapy is a cornerstone of CBT for anxiety. It involves gradually facing feared situations or objects in a controlled and systematic way. By doing so, you can reduce your fear response over time. For instance, if you have a fear of public speaking, you might start by speaking in front of a small, supportive group and gradually work your way up to larger audiences. The key is consistency and patience, as repeated exposure helps to desensitize the anxiety trigger and allows you to see that you were able to face your fears without running away from them. Exposures include the following elements:

    • Hierarchy Creation: List situations that trigger your anxiety, ranking them from least to most anxiety-provoking.
    • Gradual Exposure: Begin with a lower stakes anxiety-provoking situation and gradually work your way up. For example, if social interactions are a trigger, start by having a short conversation with a friend and gradually increase the complexity and length of social interactions. Make sure to celebrate small successes along the way!
    • Consistent Practice: Regular exposure helps increase willingness to confront feared situations rather than struggling against them or trying everything in your power to get rid of them—two behaviors that ultimately increase suffering and a sense of being overwhelmed by anxiety. The more willingness you are to lean into exposures, the more opportunities you’ll have to learn that you can cope!
    1. Cognitive Strategies

    Cognitive strategies, such as cognitive reappraisal, help you identify, challenge, and change unhelpful thought patterns. When practicing this strategy, try the following:

    • Identify Thinking Traps: When you notice anxiety, write down the thoughts that are running through your mind. For example, “I can’t handle this,” or “Something bad will happen.” Oftentimes anxiety is accompanied by thoughts that overemphasize the negative aspects of a situation or predict catastrophic outcomes.
    • Challenge These Thoughts: Examine the evidence for and against these thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this thought based on fact or fear? What evidence do I have to support this thought? What’s the worst that could happen, and how likely is it?”
    • Replace with Balanced Thoughts: Develop more balanced thoughts based on the evidence. For example, replace “I can’t handle this” with “I’ve handled similar situations before and can use my coping skills to manage this one.”

    Applying These Skills: A Practical Example

    Let’s take the example of someone who feels anxious about driving.

    • Behavioral Experiment: They predict that if they drive on the highway, they’ll have a panic attack and cause an accident. To test this, they start by driving on a quiet street and gradually progress to busier roads. After each drive, they note what happened versus what they predicted. They might find that, although they felt anxious, they were able to drive safely without a panic attack.
    • Exposure Therapy: They create a hierarchy of driving situations, starting with short trips on familiar roads, progressing to longer trips, and eventually driving on the highway during off-peak hours.
    • Cognitive Reappraisal: They identify thoughts like “I will definitely have a panic attack,” and challenge them with evidence such as “I have driven many times without having a panic attack.” They replace these thoughts with balanced ones like “I might feel anxious, but I can use my coping strategies to manage it.”

    Combining these CBT techniques provides a comprehensive approach to managing anxiety. By regularly practicing these skills, individuals can disrupt the cycle of anxiety, reduce avoidance behaviors, and build confidence in their ability to handle anxiety-provoking situations.

    Conclusion

    Breaking free from the cycle of anxiety isn’t easy, but it’s possible with the right tools and strategies. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy offers a structured and effective approach to understanding and managing anxiety. By experimenting with new behaviors, facing your fears, and challenging unhelpful thoughts, you can take control of your anxiety rather than letting it control you. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone—seek support from a therapist or support group to guide you on your journey.

  • How to Achieve More Balanced Sleep

    How to Achieve More Balanced Sleep

    How to Achieve More Balanced Sleep

    Many people struggle with sleep. Whether it’s falling asleep, staying asleep, or getting enough sleep it is extremely frustrating since it is partly out of your control. Good news- there actually is a lot in your control to improve your sleep. 

     

    1. Stick to a bedtime and wake-up routine. While it’s understandable to want to stay up late and sleep in on weekends, try not to get too far off schedule. It’s a myth that we can “catch up” on sleep the next night. To get better sleep we need to have a better routine. It’s easy to get distracted by the activities we are doing and accidentally stay up later than we intended. To help with this, try setting an alarm on your phone 60 minutes before you want to sleep. This will be a cue to stop and start getting ready for bed as intended. Your bedtime routine can include a relaxing activity to help wind down for the night. This can be a mindfulness activity, reading, light stretching, taking a warm bath, or drawing. If you’re consistently going to sleep around the same time, it will be easier to wake up at the same time. 

     

    1. If you wake up at a certain time in the middle of the night consistently, set an alarm for a few minutes beforehand and then see if there is a particular noise that is waking you up. I’ve been woken up to printers and robot vacuums turning on and then learned they were accidentally preprogrammed to turn on in the middle of the night! Once we know what it is we can problem-solve and reset those devices! 

     

    1. If you wake up frequently in the middle of the night make sure you aren’t being productive- avoid work, laundry, meal preparations, etc. Although this may be tempting, it can accidentally train you to get up to tackle your to-do list!

     

    1. What to avoid right before bed: Heavy meals, drinking too many liquids, caffeine, nicotine, exercising, TV, or other screens. Note: Phones and smaller devices are even worse than TV because the screen is closer to your face. Also, it’s a myth that alcohol helps with sleep. While some people may report it helps them fall asleep, alcohol will decrease the quality of your sleep and prompt you to wake up earlier. 

     

    1. More things to avoid:
    • Naps! Even very brief naps can have a huge impact on your sleep, especially in the afternoon/ evening.  
    • Using bed for anything other than sleep. We want to train our brain to associate bed with sleep. The connection will be the strongest if your bed is only associated with sleeping and not other activities. 
    • Worrying about when you will fall asleep! The most frustrating part of sleep problems is that the more effort to fix it, the worse it gets. We must avoid all “sleep calculations.” This means counting the hours of sleep you will get if you fall asleep that instant (who has ever fallen asleep immediately after thinking that anyway?). It’s best to avoid looking at the clock altogether. Either remove the clock from your bedroom or turn it around- trust me you don’t need it!

     

    1. If you struggle to stop worrying and can’t fall asleep, it is recommended to leave your bed. Remember we are trying to only associate bed with sleep, not worrying. When you get up, assess if you’re hungry, and if so, have a light snack. Otherwise, try a relaxing activity, such as having a cup of decaffeinated tea, reading a book, listening to a podcast or music, or drawing. These are similar activities to help wind down before bed. Do the activity for about 30-60 minutes and then try falling asleep. Keep doing this until you can fall asleep.

     

    1. Lastly, avoid worrying about how bad the next day will be! We tend to think about how terrible the next day will be if we get poor sleep. We imagine doing horribly at our job or on a test or being so incapable of doing what we need to do. Unbalanced sleep increases our vulnerability ANDyou’ve survived every “next day.” We may not be performing at our best, we may need to be more compassionate with ourselves, and we will likely do just fine the next day. 

     

    Sleep difficulties can be very frustrating. I hope these tips help you get more restful sleep. For additional help, contact a mental health professional who specializes in insomnia.

     

    Sources:

    Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBTI). Stanford Health Care. (2017, September 12). https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-treatments/c/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-insomnia.html

    Rathus, J. H., & Miller, A. L. (2015). DBT®skills manual for adolescents. Guilford Press.

     

  • How to Live in Accordance With What Matters: A Crash Course on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

    How to Live in Accordance With What Matters: A Crash Course on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

    What the heck is ACT? If you find yourself thinking, “another type of behavioral therapy? Another acronym?!” I would get it. It’s true, as a therapist, I geek out on this stuff. But I wouldn’t write a blog post about it if I didn’t think it was really worth your time.  

    So what is it? ACT is all about accepting what is out of your personal control and committing to action that enriches your life. What do you want to stand for in your life? What truly matters to you? Once you clarify your core values you can use them as guides to motivate and inspire behavioral change. 

    • Accept your thoughts and feelings, and be present 
    • Choose a valued direction 
    • Take action 

    How is this different from other types of therapy? We are often being sent messages about the need to control our emotional states. Think about the self-help section in a bookstore: You see titles like “How to Feel Less Stress” or “5 Ways To Find Happiness.” At some point, all of us probably received feedback about getting over an unpleasant emotional state. It’s what I like to call the wipe off your knees and keep going mentality. When we buy into this, we tell ourselves we’re not doing a good enough job– if we feel too much stress, anxiety, fear, shame, guilt, and not enough happiness or joy. When we internalize these messages we try to control our thoughts and feelings. In ACT, we believe that thoughts and feelings themselves are not pathological. We don’t need to chase them down and change them. Rather, the focus is on relating to them in a different way by accepting their presence, fully and without defense, and choosing what you will or won’t do based on your personal values. It sounds nice, but how do we actually put that into practice? In ACT, there are six core processes that can help guide you: defusion, self-as-context, presence, acceptance, values, and committed action. Each of these processes comes with a number of different skills. For this blog post, I will explain each step and scatter into some exercises.  

    Defusion:

    We get caught up in our thoughts; we take them as capital “T” truth and often see the world through the lens of a painful thought we have about ourselves, others, or the world. Defusion is about stepping back and detaching from inner thoughts or images. Instead of getting caught up in our thoughts, we let them come and go. We see thoughts for what they are– nothing more or less than words or pictures. We hold them lightly instead of clutching to them tightly. 

    Exercise: Take a painful thought such as, “I’m unlovable” and get a bit of space from it by inserting one of the clauses below:

    • “I’m having the thought that [“I’m unlovable]” 
    • “When I experience the emotion [shame], my mind tends to tell me [“I’m unlovable”]
    • “The story I tell myself is [“I’m unlovable”] 

    The Observing Self (also known as Self-as-context):

    There are two elements of the mind: The thinking self and the observing self. The thinking self is the part of us that is always thinking– generating judgments, fantasies, beliefs, and so on. The observing self is less talked about in our culture. This is the part of us that is aware of whatever we’re thinking, feeling, sensing, or doing in any moment. Throughout life your body, thoughts, roles, and feelings all change but the “you” that’s able to notice or observe all those things never changes. 

    Contact the present moment

    Our judgmental, problem-solving minds constantly pull our attention away from the present. Why? We want to avoid suffering and we yearn for orientation– to know where we are in our life journey. But instead of orienting ourselves, we end up ruminating about what’s happened in the past or worry about what will happen in the future. Both of these “thinking self” processes are associated with depression and anxiety. Contacting the present moment is about mindfulness, defined as “paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally” (Jon Kabat-Zinn). 

    Exercise: Try this simple 6-minute meditation

    Acceptance: 

    When we try to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, we demonize natural human experiences. Our efforts, energy, and attention are spent trying to control unwanted inner experiences and we feel even worse when they show up. Avoidance is not workable as a long-term solution. As we say in ACT:

    If you don’t want it, you’ve already got it.

    If you aren’t willing to be anxious, you will feel even more anxious.

    If you aren’t willing to feel pain, you will feel even more pain.

    If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.

    The goal of acceptance is a willingness to make room for uncomfortable feelings, sensations, urges, and emotions. Instead of struggling against them, we open up to them and let them be. This does not mean you have to like it or want it (anxiety IS uncomfortable), but it’s about allowing yourself to have it. In fact, the wisdom of pain is that it tells us what matters most. For example, I might feel pain if a friend is upset with me or I might feel anxiety after a social interaction. What those uncomfortable emotions tell me is that I don’t want to hurt my friends or that I care about how I’m perceived in social situations because connection matters to me. Values and vulnerabilities are two sides of the same coin; the more we pursue our values the more vulnerable we will feel.   

    Exercise:  Say “Yes”

    Consider a painful thought or memory that you often struggle with or avoid altogether. Put a 1-minute timer on. Close your eyes and adopt a “no” stance towards that thought or memory as in: “No, that’s not good. That needs to change; that is unacceptable.” Allow yourself to struggle against it as you normally do. When the timer goes off, note any observations of what that experience was like: What emotion did you feel? How did you hold your body (tense, relaxed)? What happened in your mind (did your thoughts speed up? Slow down?) Next, put the timer on again for 1 minute. This time, take that same thought or memory but instead adopt a “yes” stance towards it as in: “yes, I am willing to allow that to be there, just as it is. I do not need to change it.” Afterward, observe or describe how these experiences were different. 

    Values 

    In ACT, we define values as qualities of being. For example: Being a loving, caring, attentive, curious, and supportive partner. 

    Values are not goals. Goals can be met, checked off a list, or completed.  Values are what we live by and we continuously commit and recommit to them. I can meet my goal of getting married but I’m never done being a loving partner. Love is ongoing. It matters before and after you get a partner. 

    The more in touch we are with what truly matters, the easier it is to take a step in the right direction. 

    Exercise: Attend your own funeral

    Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to calm your mind. Picture witnessing your own funeral. Think about where it would be and visualize a clear picture of your funeral service in your mind. Imagine that a loved one is saying a few words about what you stood for in your life; about what you cared about. Write out what you would want to hear in your eulogy about how you lived your life. Notice if certain thoughts or judgments come up. Defuse from them. This is not a prediction of your life but rather a reflection on the meaning you would most like to create; the purpose you would most like to reveal about the time you spent on this planet. 

    Committed Action

    Take effective action towards upholding your values. Value-guided action gives rise to a wide range of thoughts and feelings– both pleasurable and painful. Committed action means doing what it takes even if it brings on pain and discomfort. Maybe I’m terrified to open up fully in a relationship; to be vulnerable. I could choose to avoid that feeling by saying no to dates, being hypercritical of someone I meet, or closing myself off from someone emotionally, but that won’t help me get to where I want to go (having a close, connected, intimate relationship). Instead, what do I do? Committed action often encompasses all other act processes: Download the dating app (action), defuse from self-critical thoughts, accept the anxiety you feel, observe fear and shift towards curiosity and openness (values), show up fully present, with the intention of getting to know someone. 

    Putting it all together:

    One quick way to put it all together yourself. If you find that you’re in a situation and struggling with your inner world, ask yourself these questions: 

    1. What is the story I am telling myself in this moment? (e.g. the story of no one likes me) 
    2. How do I react when I buy into that story? (e.g. get quiet, retreat, internally criticize everything I do)
    3. Who or what is important to me right now? (e.g. getting to know someone, connecting, being present)
    4. What are some actionable steps towards that? (e.g. find someone approachable, sit and ask them questions, listen intently) 

    Now you try! 

  • There REALLY is No Place Like Home for the Holidays

    There REALLY is No Place Like Home for the Holidays

    Perry Como wasn’t wrong when he sang those iconic Stillman lyrics. “There’s no place like home for the holidays.” Really. And whether it’s your biological family, your chosen family or your new partner, home (for the holidays) carries a weighty pressure that perfectly encompasses Dialectical Behavioral Therapy’s (DBT) core dialectic of acceptance and change. 

    (‘What the heck is a dialectic?’ you may ask. Head here for a deeper dive into this term.) 

    As much as I love my family, and I really, truly do, there’s an unshakeable reversion to childhood patterns that the holiday season, and subsequent return home, can provoke in us all. (Adding another escalating ingredient to the mix is COVID-19.) I’ll spare my family the indignity of revealing too much about our interpersonal dynamics on the internet. However, I will say that we all come home for the holidays carrying our own baggage — both literally and figuratively. This can be baggage that’s been simmering for a few days, months, or years. Sometimes it’s baggage that’s entirely irrelevant to the individuals sitting around that open fire roasting chestnuts — I’ve literally never roasted chestnut, and I simply couldn’t begin to tell you how to do that. Other times, it’s baggage that has absolutely everything to do with a very particular scenario, involving a very specific individual, who’s watching that ball drop beside you on New Year’s Eve. 

    And, it’s at this moment that DBT’s core dialectic comes into play. Accept? Change? Sometimes, we accept. For those who are considering this course of action, because yes, acceptance is a choice, I recommend reviewing some of DBT’s Distress Tolerance Skills. In other circumstances, perhaps when we’re looking to obtain a specific goal or objective, we pursue change. 

    This holiday season, if you have a specific goal or objective, once you’ve clarified your priorities, consider DEAR MAN. This is one of my personal favorite skills in the entire DBT repertoire, as I have found it to be particularly effective for me. Surely, contacting your individual therapist, or diving more deeply into DBT Skills Training at BPS will support this process in greater depth, and, for now, with just a few days before heading ‘home,’ I’ve included a very quick primer on DEAR MAN. 

    My sample situation? My sister repeatedly takes my clothing from my closet. My objective?  Get my sister to stop taking my clothing. 

     

    D – Describe the Situation 

    • Ex: I’ve noticed that you have taken a few articles of clothing from my closet without asking me in advance. 

    E – Express Clearly

    • Ex: I feel anxious when I can’t find a missing clothing item. I wonder where it has gone, and whether I’d brought it back home in the first place. 

    A – Assert Wishes

    • Ex: I would like you to stop taking my clothing. 

    R – Reinforce

    • Ex: My hope is that we can figure this out so that we can minimize our bickering during this trip. 

     

    (Stay) M – Mindful

    • This is the part of the conversation where I would emulate a broken record, continuing to express my opinion in spite of any diversions or deviations from my sister. 

    A – Appear Confident

    • While I might be nervous to make this ask, using a confident tone of voice and physicality will better support my efforts to obtain my objective. 

    N – Negotiate

    • If my ask or refusal appears to be hitting a wall, I must be willing to give to get. For example, if I’m comfortable with this alternative, I might ask my sister to, at the very least, ask me before taking my clothing. 

    As with every skill, practice, practice, practice! 

  • Understanding Executive Functioning

    Understanding Executive Functioning

    By: Dr. Nikita Patel, Psy.D.

    Do you find yourself putting off errands or tasks unless there is an immediate deadline? Is it difficult for you to organize your thoughts and clearly explain them to someone else? Time management and organization are examples of executive functioning.

    Executive functioning refers to the cognitive processes that help us meet the demands of our life. This can look like getting started on an assignment, tolerating anger that intensifies during an argument, and problem-solving when things go wrong. These processes sit in the prefrontal cortex, which is located at the front of the brain. This area is the last to fully develop in your mid 20’s. 

    According to Thomas Brown (2005), there are six major areas of executive functioning that work together to help us meet a goal or accomplish a task:

    1. Activation This is everything that we do before initiating a task. For example, getting to work requires you to prioritize the task of getting yourself to work on time by getting dressed and ready, organizing your bag, checking the weather, checking traffic or train delays.
    2. Action This occurs during the task. For example, when commuting to school or work, it’s helpful to engage in self-monitoring to ensure that you’re on the right train and on time. In addition, you have to be ready to course-correct if your train suddenly goes express by evaluating the change and redirecting to another route.

    3. Working Memory This factor is helpful with short-term memory tasks that require us to take in information and manipulate it. Taking notes requires both the capacity to remember what is being said as well as being able to jot down the information for later review. Imagine how much memory is required to engage in a back-and-forth conversation with a friend.

    4. Emotion Regulation Can you imagine what would happen if we leaned into all of our emotional urges? The ability to manage and tolerate difficult emotions is important in staying effective towards meeting both short- and long-term goals without derailing from the task at hand.

    5. Sustained effort Have you ever found yourself full speed ahead on a task and fatigued halfway through? Effort helps us to sustain our pace while working so we can get through a task.

    6. Sustained focus We’ve all drifted into our thoughts during a work meeting or during class. This area helps us to shift our attention to what’s important in the moment and maintain that focus to help us effectively achieve that task.

    You may find yourself having trouble in some areas and not others. However, weakness in any of these areas tends to generalize to different aspects of your life. For example, you may find yourself struggling with managing your time at work, with friends, and at home.

    You may have noticed that you probably struggled with many of these areas as a child since the prefrontal cortex was still developing. Parents and teachers often took the role of being the source of our executive functioning to help us meet tasks. Think back to all of the reminders you received from parents and teachers to complete chores or homework assignments. If you find yourself having difficulties in any of these areas, there are skills and strategies that you can use to help such as, keeping planners to organize deadlines and events, keeping to-do lists, setting alarms to manage time, and using coping skills to manage intense emotions.

    For individualized help, there are executive functioning coaches who can tailor skills to your specific needs. Below are two resources for both children and adolescents and adults:

    Children, Adolescents and Adults

    Children and Adolescents

  • Enhancing the Parent-Child Relationships with PRIDE

    Enhancing the Parent-Child Relationships with PRIDE

    By: Dr. Emily Nichols, Psy.D.

    Have you ever found yourself giving your child the same direction multiple times to no avail? Do you find yourself getting into power struggles with your teen more often than you would like? It’s no secret that these negative interactions can have quite a toll on the parent-child relationship. When arguments happen, caregivers often feel like they are trapped in an endless cycle that leaves them feeling frustrated and defeated. The good news is research has shown that spending just 5-10 minutes of “special time” with your children each day can improve the parent-child relationship. 

    So how does one do special time? With PRIDE! The PRIDE acronym represents some handy skills to keep in mind when spending quality time with your child. Here’s a breakdown of the various PRIDE skills and how to use them:

    Praise your child’s behavior

    Praise is all about expressing approval to your child. When giving praise, aim for it to be specific, sincere, and process-based. The idea is we want children to become flexible learners who are encouraged to develop a growth mindset and try new things, which is why it’s more helpful to praise the process of your child’s efforts over the actual outcome. Here are some do’s and don’ts when praising your child:Father son high five Stock Photos - Page 1 : Masterfile

    Do…

    • Use specific and descriptive praise (e.g. “ I like how you’re carefully putting your toys into the toy bin”).

    • Sincerely praise behaviors you want to reinforce (e.g.     “It’s generous of you to share your snack with your sibling” or “I appreciate how flexible you were when we made a change of plans”).

    • Praise their efforts and process (e.g. “Great job using different strategies to solve that math problem”).

    Don’t…

    • Use generic language (e.g. “Good job!” or “Nice work!”).

    • Be overly lavish or praise easy tasks. Overpraising can actually reduce intrinsic motivation and lead to entitlement. Kids may feel they are superior to others and will be unwilling to work unless praised.

    • Focus solely on their achievement or ability (e.g. “You’re so smart; you should definitely be valedictorian” or “You’re the best soccer player on the team!”).

    Reflect your child’s talk

    When we reflect, or repeat back what we hear children say, it demonstrates that we are listening and that we understand them. It also gives them an opportunity to lead the conversation. For children and teens, this fosters their sense of autonomy and boosts their confidence. It also provides validation, which further strengthens the parent-child connection. Here are examples of how to reflect:

    Child: “I did it all by myself!”

    Caregiver: “Yes, you did it all by yourself!”

    Teen: “I’m so mad at her; she completely betrayed me!”

    Caregiver: “It’s so frustrating to feel like you can’t trust a friend.”

    Imitate your child’s play

    It’s easy to get caught up in making sure children are doing things the “right” way. One of the most common instances this comes up in is when kids are coloring. Adults are quick to encourage children to color in the lines. When practicing PRIDE skills, we encourage you to actually imitate your child’s creative play as a way of bonding. Is she coloring outside of the lines? Join her by scribbling a little on your own paper and watch your child light up. Are theyPushy or laid back? Economic factors influence parenting style | YaleNews pretending that a spatula is a paddle they can use to row down a river? Grab some tongs and start paddling too! There’s a reason they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

    This applies for teens too! Next time you catch them playing Candy Crush, download the game and start swiping! Doing so will demonstrate that you are interested in what makes your adolescent happy and it will also give you some common ground to discuss.

    Describe your child’s behavior

    For young children who seem to move a mile a minute, taking the time to describe their behavior can actually slow down their play and help them organize their thoughts. Think of yourself as a sportscaster narrating a play-by-play of your child’s actions. Behavioral descriptions lead to mindful moments where you and your child become more focused on the activity. Describing your child’s behavior can be as simple as saying, “You’re blowing bubbles” or “You’re rolling the play-doh.”

    Enthusiastically engage with your child

    When we show enthusiasm while playing with our kids it tells them that we are enjoying this special time with them. Not only will your enthusiasm demonstrate a vested interest in your child, it will also help model positive emotions and further strengthen the relationship.

    You can demonstrate enthusiasm with teens too! Did you go on a special outing together? Let them know you enjoyed yourself by saying, “That was so fun!” or “I’m really glad we got to spend some time together.”

    What to Avoid When Using PRIDE Skills

    Remember, special time is all about strengthening the parent-child relationship. It should be held daily, regardless of a child’s behavior. This demonstrates unconditional positive regard for your child which can be especially powerful when there are a lot of negative interactions. To keep special time fun and child-friendly:

    Avoid Questions and Commands

    Although well-intentioned, asking kids questions about their school day, friends, or other subjects during special time can disrupt the flow of fun. Questions and commands take away the child-led portion of the play and can inadvertently come off as criticisms. For example, if your child goes for the coloring materials and you ask, “Don’t you want to play with the puzzles?” it may give your child the impression that they are doing something wrong. 

    Avoid Criticisms and Corrections

    Parental criticisms, which indicate a lack of approval, can have undesirable effects on children. Common criticisms include, “You’re doing it wrong” or even “Cut it out!” These statements can create a negative environment and even a power struggle if they trigger child misbehavior.