Category: Uncategorized

By Brooke Schwartz, LMSW

If the mere mention of the holiday season brings about feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, and dread, you’re not alone. Sure, the holidays are marketed as a cherished time to give, receive, reflect, and be with loved ones. But for many, this couldn’t be farther from reality. Instead, you may find that the holiday season is actually the time of year you struggle the most with joy, love, and happiness.

The winter holidays can be tough for a number of reasons. Perhaps you don’t get the end-of-year bonus you anticipated. Maybe your uncle tends to bring up politics— and not in the civil way — after a few drinks. It could be that your relationship ends right before you’re going to introduce your partner to your family at a holiday dinner.

Intense and unwanted emotions don’t take a vacation like many of us do this time of year. If anything, they might even be overworked and unrelenting. What’s more, most people tend to be reactive to their emotions, meaning that they try to deal with them after they’ve already arisen. As it happens, putting the emotional labor in ahead of time can help decrease the likelihood that you suffer from and act on unwanted emotions. So this holiday season, give yourself the gift of preventing painful and pesky emotions by practicing a skill called Coping Ahead.

Coping ahead involves thinking ahead of time about which situations you anticipate will be most difficult to tolerate this holiday season and imagining yourself dealing with them effectively. Cope ahead by going through the following steps (either in your mind or by writing it out):

1. Describe the situation and the emotion.

What exactly do you anticipate experiencing? Try to be as factual as possible (thinking, “Uncle Joe is going to ruin the night” will only serve to fuel your unwanted emotions). You may think, “Uncle Joe is going to make a comment about politics. I will probably notice my heart rate increasing and myself feeling frustrated and anxious.”

2. Name the urges.

Emotions tend to inspire urges to act — oftentimes in ways that are not in line with our values and make the situation worse. Think about what behaviors of yours are associated with the emotion you’ve identified. You may notice that when you feel frustrated and anxious with Uncle Joe, you have the urge to make comments under your breath and ask him questions such as, “How could you possibly believe that?”

3. Identify coping skills.

Ask yourself, “How can I cope with the emotion to prevent myself from acting on the urge?” Perhaps when you hear Uncle Joe say something that frustrates you, you’ll leave the room, breathe deeply, or think encouraging thoughts such as “I can handle this.” Don’t be afraid to creative here! Maybe every time Uncle Joe speaks, you see how long you can drink from your glass of water, or you repeat what he’s said in your mind in your favorite cartoon character’s voice. The goal is to do something that either decreases the intensity of your emotion or makes it harder to act on your urges.

4. Imagine the situation.

Visualize the scenario in your mind as vividly as possible, making sure you can see yourself in the situation. Describe the scenario in the present tense — “Uncle Joe says _____________. My heart races and my jaw clenches. There’s a pit in my stomach and I feel frustrated and anxious.”

5. Rehearse yourself coping effectively.

What would it look like for you to cope effectively in that moment? Imagine exactly what you would (or would not) do. What do you say? What do you not say? What do you or don’t you think? Imagine new problems arising. For example, what if you’ve let an under-the-breath comment slip out at the dinner table? Or what if your favorite cousin unexpectedly agrees with Uncle Joe? Think through how you’ll deal with different iterations of the situation, including the worst possible case scenario you can imagine.

6. Repeat, as needed.

Going through your cope ahead plan multiple times will help you feel more prepared to cope in the situation and equipped with tools to handle other situations that may arise unexpectedly.

In practicing coping ahead by going through these steps, you’ll decrease the likelihood that you experience negative and unwanted emotions, and increase your ability to manage them if they do arise. Keep in mind that coping ahead doesn’t get rid of emotions altogether (that wouldn’t be desirable, anyway!) — but it can help you reduce the amount of suffering you experience as a result of them.

Disclaimer

This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise, provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number.

For referral information about our services, please click here or see our contact page on our website.

By Brooke Schwartz, LMSW

Here’s the situation: Allie’s on vacation in Prague for the holidays after saving up and planning for the trip. She’s excited for all the fun she’s going to have and proud of her months of saving. But on the first day of her trip, she learns that her grandmother, who’s been sick for months, has died. Allie feels completely overwhelmed — her head is spinning, and she thinks she must be the worst granddaughter in the world to travel when her grandmother was unwell. How does she manage all of this?

Some people may choose to cope with a situation like this one in ways that actually make things worse (e.g., recklessly spending money, overeating, or binge drinking). And to their credit, these ways of coping sometimes do help reduce really intense emotions. They’re distractions from the pain, oftentimes numbing or dulling it — but only in the short-term, as the relief that they bring rarely lasts. What’s more, these ways of coping are also often unproductive, unsafe, and chock full of unpleasant consequences (anyone who’s experienced a hangover can vouch for that!).

While coping with emotions in a healthy and safe way isn’t always a simple task, it is indeed possible. Keep in mind that coping means just that: regulating, moderating, controlling, and downsizing — it does not mean getting rid of difficult emotions altogether (even though we may want to).

So, what’s Allie to do? It’s incredibly difficult to manage an emotion if you don’t know which one it is, or when you have to manage many at once. Try going through the following steps when a difficult emotion arises:

1. Just notice.

Observe your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. This will help you slow down and take a deep breath. Allie could start by making statements such as, “I notice my heart is racing and I’m having the thought, ‘I wish this would all go away.’”

2. Name it to tame it.

Identifying what you’re feeling can be quite grounding. Allie can ask herself, “Am I feeling (insert emotion here)?” over and over, inserting a new emotion in the blank every time. She may eventually identify that she’s feeling devastated about the death, guilty for traveling when her grandmother was sick, and confused about whether to cut her trip short to attend the funeral.

3. Ask “Why?”

Consider why the emotion has shown up. While they can be pesky and painful at times, emotions actually do a lot for us:

• Emotions motivate and organize us for action. Allie’s sadness, guilt, and confusion will likely move her to make a decision about whether to end her trip early to attend the funeral. In the long-term, these emotions may lead Allie to think about her relationships, values, and priorities.

• Emotions communicate to (and influence) others. Allie learns about her grandmother’s death on a phone call with her parents. She begins crying and says, “I don’t know what to do.” These behaviors communicate to her parents that she is sad and confused. Based on this communication, her parents may console her or offer her advice — even if Allie hadn’t intended to communicate her emotions or influence their behavior.

• Emotions communicate to ourselves. Allie’s emotions prompt her to look inward and consider what she needs in the moment. Her sadness may indicate that she doesn’t feel up to going to a museum like she had planned — or maybe the sadness may indicate that what’s going to help her get through the rest of the day is in fact going to the museum as an intentional distraction from her intense emotions.

4. Validate, validate, validate.

Let go of beliefs that there are right and wrong ways to feel about or act in a situation. Allie can practice being nonjudgmental of her emotions, and even validate their existence by making statements such as, “It makes sense that I’m feeling confused,” or “Anyone in my situation would feel this way.”

Knowing what you’re experiencing and why are helpful first steps in changing or tolerating difficult emotions. Once you take this step, you can implement coping skills, which are shown to help people in situations like Allie’s cope effectively with difficult emotions and reduce their overall suffering. Stay tuned for future blogs — we’ll be discussing more ways to cope with intense and difficult emotions!

Disclaimer

This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise, provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number.

For referral information about our services, please click here or see our contact page on our website.

By Brooke Schwartz, LMSW

Last year, Lady Gaga co-authored an op-ed for The Guardian highlighting the devastating and deadly effects of stigma against mental illness. She begins the article with a shocking statistic: by the time you finish reading her article, at least six people will have killed themselves around the world. “Suicide,” as Lady Gaga explains, “is the most extreme and visible symptom of the larger mental health emergency we are so far failing to adequately address.”

Calling this an emergency is no understatement — in 2017, suicide was the second leading cause of death among people between 10 and 34 years old. And suicide is only one piece of the puzzle. About 1 in 5 people in the United States live with a mental health condition (that’s around 60 million people) while less than half of them receive mental health services. Despite the fact that treatments have been (and continue to be) developed and well-researched, people are still struggling to reach out for help.

Why is this the case? Lady Gaga says it well: “Stigma, fear and lack of understanding compound the suffering of those affected [with mental illness] and prevent the bold action that is so desperately needed and so long overdue.”

Lady Gaga’s not the only celebrity to speak out about stigma as a barrier to mental health treatment. A few months ago, upon receiving the 2019 McLean Award for Mental Health Advocacy, Selena Gomez reflected, “I have feared being misunderstood and judged” for having experienced mental illness.

Stigma takes on many faces. Some people feel stigmatized by their family members and communities when they reveal their mental health conditions or express a desire to seek treatment. Others self-stigmatize in response to experiencing shame — shame about not being able to resolve their problems themselves and needing help at all. For some, this leads to a belief that one is deserving of or at fault for their mental health issues.

Not only do Lady Gaga and Selena Gomez share frustration about the role stigma plays in getting help; they’ve also both received mental health treatment in the form of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Each has shared in the media the impact DBT’s had in their lives.

Originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, DBT is a treatment that has evolved into so much more. Over time, research has shown that DBT is an effective treatment for people experiencing a wide variety of symptoms and mental health conditions including anxiety, depression, non-suicidal self-harm, eating disorders, and substance abuse, among others. It’s a quality treatment that helps a wide range of people.

When it comes to seeking out and accessing DBT, stigma is certainly a barrier. It’s hard to admit you need help. It’s challenging to know whether the therapist you reach out to will actually help you. Sometimes problems seem so overwhelming you just don’t know where to start. Many believe DBT won’t help them. Some have done DBT before and think doing it again can’t possibly be worthwhile. There are hundreds of reasons not to seek out treatments (such as DBT) for mental health conditions.

We can’t let stigma be one of them. As Lady Gaga writes, we need to treat those facing mental health conditions with the compassion we would offer to people with physical illnesses or injuries — we must stop ostracizing, blaming, and condemning. This extends to how we treat ourselves. We can work to reduce stigma by treating ourselves with compassion and getting ourselves the help we want and need.

If you don’t know where to begin, consider whether any of the following might help you get started:

• Contact the behavioral health department at your insurance company to find out more about your coverage.

• Ask your primary care doctor (or your child’s pediatrician if the treatment is for your child) for a referral for a licensed mental health professional.

• Speak to a trusted family member or friend to see if they have a referral.

• Research the mental health services offered by your university or employer.

If you’re looking for a DBT therapist in particular, this website can direct you to certified DBT clinicians in your city. This one lists every clinician who has gone through intensive training in DBT. If you live in the greater New York City area, Behavioral Psych Studio provides DBT and other evidence-based treatments. Reach out to 917-497-2760 or info@mediumseagreen-swallow-947514.hostingersite.com for more information.

Disclaimer

This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise, provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number.

For referral information about our services, please click here or see our contact page on our website.

By Brooke Schwartz, LMSW and Stephanie Dowd, PsyD

In past blog posts, we’ve discussed both what emotion dysregulation is and what it looks like in children. Need a refresher? Emotion dysregulation can be defined as the inability to regularly use healthy strategies to diffuse or control negative emotions.

It may not come as a surprise that romantic relationships are affected by how people control (and don’t control) their emotions. Many find that it’s difficult to adapt to their partner’s emotional reactions and that their relationship suffers because of it. And research supports this — couples that struggle with problems related to emotion regulation often experience lower relational satisfaction as well as lower intimacy levels.

What does emotion dysregulation look like in couples? While it varies couple-to-couple, some examples of behaviors include:

• Reactive and often impulsive behavior. This may involve making quick decisions, such suddenly going out of town when angry at a partner rather than confronting the issue, or threatening to hurt yourself in the midst of an argument.

• Either attacking or withdrawing in the relationship (or a combination of both). Attacking may involve violence or aggression, either physical (such as grabbing or hitting) or verbal (such as name-calling or yelling). Withdrawing may look like feeling so heated during a conversation that you just stop talking or walk out of the room.

• Frequent misunderstandings that are difficult to recover from. This may mean that, after a disagreement, it takes a long time to get “back to normal.” For example, if there’s a disagreement at the beginning of a meal, it feels like the entire meal is bound to be stressful and unpleasant.

• Extreme thinking. For example, frequently using the words “always” and “never” during arguments, or making general blanket statements such as, “You don’t care. You never have.”

Practice relational mindfulness.

• Mindfulness is practicing being present in the moment without judgment.

• It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to manage your emotions if you’re not aware that they’re escalating in the first place. So first, practice simply noticing and then describing your thoughts and emotions nonjudgmentally (e.g., “I feel my heart racing”). Try not to jump to any judgments such as, “They’re such a jerk!”

• Then, notice, observe, and describe only what you can observe about your partner (e.g. “They’re speaking. Now they’re looking down at their feet.”). Being mindful of your partner means you’re not attaching any judgments, interpretations, or inferences (e.g., “They’re not listening,” “They don’t care,” “They always do this”) to what you observe.

• Why practice relational mindfulness? It helps slow down your emotions and prevent them from getting out of control.

Validate the emotions, wants, and opinions of yourself and your partner.

• Validating is, in short, communicating to yourself or someone else that what they are thinking, feeling, or doing makes sense. “I can see how upset you are” and “I can understand why this angers you because this has happened before” are both examples of validating statements.

• You might have to give up being right in favor of getting along. Ask yourself: is it more important to be right or happy in this relationship? Keep in mind that it’s typically more important to be effective in the relationship (for example, by validating your partner) than to be right.

• Why validate your partner? Validating is a way of showing your partner that they are heard, which is one of the most powerful ways to reduce intense emotions in a couple.

Distinguish between your primary and secondary emotions.

• Primary emotions are universal responses to situations in life, such as sadness when a loved one dies or disappointment when you’re on the losing team in a game.

• Secondary emotions are reactions to primary emotions. Sometimes primary emotions happen so quickly that we don’t notice they’ve happened at all, and we jump to secondary emotions. For example, if your partner leaves in the middle of a heated conversation, you may respond with anger (often a secondary emotion), which could be a response to fear (a primary emotion) that your relationship is ending.

• Noticing your initial or primary emotions will help you get at the heart of the problem and address it head on. It will also help you avoid expressing unhelpful secondary emotions.

Increase pleasant (or even neutral) time together.

• It may seem impossible increase positive time together as a couple if you’re constantly arguing. However, if you can start with at least spending neutral time together, it may help cut down on the negative feelings you have about one another.

• Practice being in a room or the same car together — even if you’re not speaking. When it feels manageable, practice increasing shared pleasant activities (for example, doing something you both enjoy together). This can help build a sense of connection between you.

Consider couples therapy.

• It’s difficult to manage extreme emotions in a relationship. For those who need or want more support, there are resources available. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for couples, therapy goals include reducing negative patterns in the relationship and creating more helpful, constructive ways of interacting.

Disclaimer

This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise, provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number.

For referral information about our services, please click here or see our contact page on our website.

By Brooke Schwartz, LMSW

In a previous blog, we discussed emotion dysregulation, which is the inability to regularly use healthy strategies to diffuse or moderate negative emotions. It’s common for parents to wonder whether their child is engaging in typical, normative, or age-appropriate behaviors, or whether they are experiencing more persistent emotion dysregulation. This may bring about even more questions about what kind of treatment might be effective for their child.

For those who suspect their child struggles with emotion regulation, it’s worth keeping in mind that emotion dysregulation is not a disorder. Rather, it is an umbrella term for a variety of behaviors that may occur in isolation or in combination with each other. These behaviors — such as frequent irritability or regular and severe temper tantrums or outbursts — are often listed as the criteria for various disorders. Which ones? Research shows that emotion dysregulation may be associated with the following:

• Neurodevelopmental disorders. Children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may exhibit behaviors related to the dysregulation of both negative and positive emotions. That is, children with ADHD may not only experience difficulty managing anger and frustration, but also emotions such as excitement or exuberance. Both, ultimately, may impede their ability to respond to their environment with flexibility or in a socially adaptive manner. Relatedly, because emotion regulation is a strong predictor of academic performance, it’s possible that emotionally dysregulated children experience other academic difficulties or even receive specific learning disorder diagnoses.

• Anxiety disorders. Research shows that children with anxiety struggle more than their non-anxious counterparts both to decrease negative emotions and to employ effective emotion regulation strategies. One study found that while anxious children may be able to regulate and achieve substantial emotional relief in specific conditions, these methods may not be applied often enough in every day life.

• Disruptive, impulse-control, and conduct disorders. Children who are emotionally dysregulated may engage in aggressive or impulsive behaviors, which may be in line with diagnoses such as oppositional defiant disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, or conduct disorder. In fact, one study concluded that oppositional defiant disorder is better conceptualized as a disorder of emotion regulation, rather than as a behavior disorder.

• Mood disorders. Emotion dysregulation may be considered an etiological factor behind the frequent, severe temper outbursts and irritability of a newer diagnosis called disruptive mood dysregulation disorder.

Because behaviors captured under the emotion dysregulation umbrella are associated with a variety of disorders, it’s possible and not uncommon for parents to mis-conceptualize their child’s behavior. For example, a parent may hear from their child’s teacher that the child is having difficulty tolerating anger and frustration in the classroom. A parent may suspect that their child is experiencing a mood disorder — and even seek out related treatment — when their child is perhaps experiencing symptoms of ADHD.

What’s a parent to do if they suspect their child is emotionally dysregulated? There are a variety of ways you may choose to respond effectively to your child’s emotion dysregulation, such as by:

• Modeling emotion regulation. Talk about the emotions you experience and what coping strategies you’ll use so that your child sees emotions being regulated. This may mean using positive self-talk or creating a pro and con list in front of your child when your own emotions escalate.

• Validating. Validating means communicating to someone that what they are feeling, thinking, or doing makes sense (it does not mean you agree with it). With emotionally dysregulated children, validate the thought or emotion rather than the behavior. For example, if your child is kicking, crying, and screaming, you may validate by saying, “I can hear how angry you are,” or “It makes sense that you’re upset that I turned the TV off.”

• Praising efforts to regulate emotions. Not only does praise feel good, it also lets your child know what you want to see them doing more of.

• Role-playing. Practice emotion regulation when your child is already emotionally regulated. If you know that your child becomes emotionally dysregulated at bedtime, practice going through the bedtime routine earlier in the day, having your child practice following specific instructions (for example, “speak in a soft voice,” and “walk from the bathroom to your bedroom”). Praise them as you go.

• Considering treatment. A variety of modalities are shown to be effective in treating emotion dysregulation among children, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness Meditation, and Parent Management Training. Parents often play a role in their child’s treatment, however the emphasis on parent involvement varies depending on the modality.

Whether or not you’re engaging in treatment — and even if your child isn’t emotionally dysregulated — the tips described above can help increase your child’s potential to effectively regulate their emotions.

Disclaimer

This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise, provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number.

For referral information about our services, please click here or see our contact page on our website.

By Brooke Schwartz, LMSW

Mental health concerns are widespread among college campuses. In fact, between 2007 and 2017, the percentage of college students with lifetime psychiatric diagnoses increased from 22% to 36%. If you or your child are in the process of choosing a college with mental health in mind, you may consider the following factors:

• Size. The size of the student body has several implications, including (but not limited to) how you make friends and what institutional resources are available to you. If you’re just beginning to think about what size school might best meet your needs, consider making a pros and cons list. This exercise may not lead you to a clear answer, however it can help organize your thoughts

• Social life and campus culture. Factors such as how people typically make friends, where people live, and where they spend their time may influence your social life at college and, thereby, your mental health. Consider the following questions: Is Greek life prominent on campus? Are there a variety of clubs and organizations to join? Do you feel that your identities are represented by the student body? Do most students live in on-campus housing or commute from home? How many people live in each dorm room? There’s no “good,” “bad,” “right,” or “wrong” answer to any of these questions. What matters is that you know yourself and your social needs. If you have any doubts about the importance of social support at college, consider this: 67% of college students tell a friend they’re feeling suicidal before telling anyone else.

• Geographic location and accessibility. There are many reasons to consider these factors as they relate to mental health. For example, if it’s important to you to be close to home, you may look for a school nearby, close to a train station, or that allows you to park your car on campus. Conversely, perhaps you know that being within reach of home is not ideal for your mental health — for example, because it may mean falling into a pattern of going home more than is effective or beneficial, or because it means more unwanted visits from family or friends. Further, location and accessibility may influence whether you need to find new mental health providers. Your current mental health providers may have varying limitations on whether they will continue to work with you once you go to college. Consider asking your current providers how they recommend you proceed with treatment once you leave for college. If they can’t continue working with you, they may have referrals near your school.

• Counseling options in the surrounding area. If you’re planning to find new providers near your school, it’s worth researching who practices in that area, if they have availability, if you can afford their services, and whether they offer the modality of treatment you’re seeking (such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Dialectical Behavior Therapy).

• Counseling options on campus. It may also be worthwhile to look into what mental health resources your university offers. Is there a professional counseling center on campus? What are its hours? What do they offer (e.g., groups, one-on-one counseling, peer counseling)? How easy or difficult is it to make an appointment? Knowing about the school’s emergency response procedure is another way to assess how the university can support you if you do experience a mental health emergency.

• Accommodations. One study of college students living with mental health conditions found that 45% of those who stopped attending college because of mental health related reasons did not receive accommodations (such as excused absences for treatment, adjustment in test times, increased availability of academic advisors, and assistive technology) through their school’s disability center for a variety of reasons. For example, some weren’t aware that they qualified for and had the right to receive accommodations, some feared the stigma attached to seeking accommodations, and some found that the process for obtaining accommodations was too burdensome or required too much documentation. If you think you may benefit from accommodations, it’s worth taking the time to research what the schools you’re interested in offer.

• Cost. Higher education is undoubtedly expensive, and there are many ways college students make ends meet including financial aid, work-study programs, loans, and scholarships. In thinking about your mental health, you may consider whether these methods of funding your education are contingent on full-time status or a minimum GPA. If you decide it’s too difficult to juggle both a full-time courseload and a work-study job, do you lose your funding? Once you graduate, how might being in debt have an impact on your mental health? How might taking out loans to attend the right (but expensive) college be worthwhile for your mental health long-term?

• Food. Some people with mental health conditions find it difficult to maintain a healthful and consistent diet — however, not eating, overeating, and eating certain foods (depending on your needs) may contribute to and maintain negative emotions. You may find it helpful to consider how accessible food is at the colleges you’re interested in. Is a meal plan offered? What is typically served? Are there local restaurants and do they deliver?

Deciding which college is right for you requires taking several factors into consideration, particularly if your mental health and wellbeing are priorities. Here’s to making an informed decision on your mental health and your college education!

Disclaimer

This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise, provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number.

For referral information about our services, please click here or see our contact page on our website.

By Brooke Schwartz, LMSW

Summer means warmer weather, outdoor activities, time off from school, and for many…homesickness. The American Academy of Pediatrics defines homesickness as the distress and functional impairment caused by actual or anticipated separation from home and attachment objects (such as parents). As you may know from experience, it’s actually quite common for children, adolescents, and even adults to experience homesickness. And fortunately, there are several tools and tricks that can be effective when working to prevent and address the symptoms.

If you were to imagine a homesick child, what would they look like? While you may be picturing a child who appears sad, nervous, or anxious, there are actually a number of other ways that homesickness may manifest, including the following:

• In physical symptoms such as gastric and intestinal complaints, sleep disturbances, appetite loss, headache, and fatigue.

• In behavioral characteristics such as apathy, listlessness, withdrawal, and lack of initiative.

• In emotional manifestations such as depressive mood, anger, irritability, and feelings of insecurity or loss of control.

Parents and caregivers may consider the following to help prepare themselves and their child for time apart:

• If possible, involve your child in the decision to spend time away from home. Taking part in even the smallest decisions can increase feelings and perceptions of control, whereas feeling forced to leave home often increases the severity of homesickness. Preparing and packing as a family is often an effective way of involving your child.

• Discuss the upcoming separation. Contrary to popular belief, talking about homesickness doesn’t cause homesickness. Instead, it can be a way of educating and encouraging the homesick person. By sharing with your child that homesickness is normal and that many people miss something about home when they’re away, you’ll provide them with normalization and validation.

• Ask questions. You may assume that your child is homesick for their parents or caregivers; however, some children most miss other things about home, such as home cooking, their favorite toys, or the family pet. You may consider asking, “What will you miss most about home?” in order to better understand your child’s concerns and help them start thinking about parts of the separation that might be most difficult for them.

• Practice communication and correspondence. Ensuring that children know how to communicate with you — whether through snail mail, phone calls, or emails — increases the likelihood that they will maintain some contact with home. You may consider giving your child pre-stamped, preaddressed envelopes and notebook paper so that communicating while apart doesn’t feel as difficult for them.

• Express enthusiasm and optimism about the fun your child is going to have in the new environment, and try to limit expressing anxiety or ambivalence about the time away from home.

• Commit to the separation. Promising a child that they can leave if they’re unhappy (e.g., “If you don’t like it, I’ll come pick you up”) reduces their likelihood of success for several reasons. These kinds of agreements indicate that you don’t have confidence in your child’s ability to cope with a normal response to separation, and also prevent their development of effective coping skills by giving them the option to escape.

Because homesickness can manifest in a variety of ways, it can be challenging to identify. And when it does show up, it often won’t remit spontaneously but rather will get better with the use of positive coping skills. Practicing “doing” strategies (observable, behavioral ways of coping) and “thinking” strategies (unobservable, cognitive ways of coping) is often an effective way to combat homesickness. The following “doing” and “thinking” strategies may be helpful for your child:

Doing strategies:

• Do something fun, like play with friends. Not only might this distract from the homesickness, but it will encourage social connection.

• Do something to feel closer to home. Writing a letter, looking at a family picture, or reading a letter from a family member can increase feelings of connectedness with home.

• Talk to someone who can help you feel better. At camp, this may be a trusted staff member or mental health professional who can serve as social support during the separation.

Thinking strategies:

• Think about the parts of the separation that you’re enjoying most. Thinking thoughts along the lines of, “I like that I get to be near a lake over the summer” or “The summers are when I get to make the most new friends” can increase optimism and distract from homesickness.

• Put time into perspective. Thinking about the days, weeks, or months away as fractions of larger amounts of time (e.g., “I’m spending 8 weeks at camp out of 52 weeks in the year”) can make the time spent apart seem less daunting.

• Think about what loved ones would say. Imagining how a missed family member or friend would respond to feelings of homesickness is a way of getting vicarious social support.

• Or in contrast, practice purposeful avoidance. Turning the mind (e.g., reading a book, immersing oneself in an activity, thinking about something positive) when thoughts about home and loved ones pop up is an effective way for some children to distract themselves from homesickness.

Homesickness can be challenging both to experience and tend to. Hopefully, these strategies will be helpful whether you’re anticipating a separation for the summer or down the line!

Disclaimer

This site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise, provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number.

For referral information about our services, please click here or see our contact page on our website.